I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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