yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't think brook has ever known best
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
