You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
