you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
