would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
