i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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