Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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