So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just pee around me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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