There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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