The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
