i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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