So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
