Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
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he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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