Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
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he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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