Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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