Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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