I'm jealous of your bromance
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
