we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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