He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
