They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
