but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
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Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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