So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
