I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
