dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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