I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
