margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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