I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
