I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
