the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
