I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
