white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji