I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
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I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!