a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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