can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding