Whoa Z and x make the same sound
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.