Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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