did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
