I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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