I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
