Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
