I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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