I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
