Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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