why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
