i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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