One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
