I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
