...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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