is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
