It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
