she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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