i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
