i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
