I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
