Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Say something about gay babies.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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