your thong is hanging out like whoa
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
