Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
