you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
