Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
