I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
