Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
