SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
