wanna go halves on a baby?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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