I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Who died my cat blue again?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
