its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
high people should be assigned attendants
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
