the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
