The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
