The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
