Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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