Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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