Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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