doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
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There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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