I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize