1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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