what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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