I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
