Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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