god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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