So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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