this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
